However you may be spending it....

I hope everyone is having a safe and happy holiday season.

27 in 2007

This year I intend to follow through with this...wish me luck!

1. Keep my office organized
2. Send out holiday cards
3. Reconnect with my camp family
4. Play with the kids in my family more often
5. Stop procrastinating on school work
6. Read more
7. Spend less money on stupid stuff
8. Ride my bike more
9. Keep my car in good shape
10. Organize my bills and other important paperwork
11. Complete my goals I set at work
12. Go out on the town more
13. Work on my confrontation
14. Stop gossipping
15. Focus on school
16. Be more honest with my family
17. Throw things away
18. Buy less books until I have read all the books I own
19. Eat healthier
20. Drink more water
21. Put my clothes away properly right after I remove them from the dryer
22. Keep my room clean and organized
23. Volunteer more
24. Fix my eye issues
25. Read the news more often
26. Eat breakfast everyday
27. COMPLETE AT LEAST 50% of these (I am trying to think realisticly)

so today...

I found out I went 139 minutes over my limit on my cell phone. Damn.

I want to see this bill and see if its true.

she is...

i just found her speech from a NOW video on youtube.

Shocking but very cool.

ani difranco is pregnant?

is it true? does anyone know?

wrapping up a semester

On tuesdy, I have my last final for the semester. I am excited to end the semester and leave it behind me. It marks a semester that was nothing but a constant change for myself. A new home. A new school, A new, real life adult career job (sometimes I miss not being so damn responsible). A new room mate. A new car. New car payments and gas. New relationship (which became a new singlehood). Yes, it's been an incredible few months.

I feel like I have done so much in a short sixteen weeks. Too much to mention here but it's been a good ride. The job is going better than I expected and each day I love going, working with my co-workers and the girls, and creating new programs. My apartment is wonderful and my room mate and myself seem to get along rather well. Besides a broken armrest, the car is doing well and I am glad I went with that focus instead of the bigger mini-suvs. Yes, I have a lot to be happy and proud about.

School - I wish I had focused more in my classes. I believe I'm coming out with really good grades but I feel like I didn't give my all, I feel like I fell into this deep loathing of school again. The truth is, I love to read and get into discussions and listen to other people. So
I am not so sure why or how this came to be. I have my ideas. I tried to become more active in the feminist club and other activities at school in hopes of meeting new people and branching out. It worked to a degree but I didn't give it the time or effort it deserved.

Part of me feels that this is ok because I can justify it by saying that I was neck deep in problems at work, under intense preassure to succeed at this new job, and that everyone is watching. I feel like I started to cave and was becoming to afraid of what may happen if I fail. I need to remember that I am good at what I do and just conintue to do it the best I can. Not everything is in my control.

Of course the other reason for my lack of focus was relationship issues. I normally don't let things such as this get in the way but it did and it wont be in the way come next semester. That's all I am going to say for that.

So I feel like I am in a good place again. I feel content with where my life is and excited about where it is going. I feel very lucky actually. I have a job I love, live in a city that I feel loved in, have supportive friends and family, and more than enough food in my fridge that I will not go hungrey.

and so as Christmas draws closer and someone asks me what I want, I really don't have an answer. Sure, I could use some thing for the apartment, but do I really need them? Do I really need anything? I don't. Not when I am in such a good place and so many others aren't. And ut's not that I don't give or like presents. I love love love to give and love buying for the kids in my family. And I love when someone I care deeply about gives me a gift from the heart. But there isn't one thing I really want or need. I'm just grateful to be in a good place, surrounded by good people.

Come Tuesday, I have three weeks off until the next break. I am excited to clean my room, visit with all my old buddies, see my new friends, explore Chicago, spend time with the family, and ocntinue working my fulltime job (but I wont have to come home and study). And to be honest, if I get to the family and friends tasks, I will be super content.

i can't sleep

Usually, I get home form class on Tuesday nights and it doesn't take much for me to fall asleep. Yet, tonight I can't. In class I started feeling sick and I thought that maybe it was just because I had to present but it hasn't gone away. Was my sudden burst of healthy-good feeling only temporary? Is the illness still lingering? The illness that has no name.

I feel so tired, so sick that I want to cry and tears actually came out. I have cried more in the last two weeks than I have in the last two years.

But I sit here and stare at the computer scene, lost for words. I always have so much to say but never fully say it. I've never fully said anything.

All I can say tonight is that I am tired, frustrated, my stomach is in knots.

My work has always consumed me. My passion for what I do has always been number one. It's amazing that something else, someone drifted into that spot without me ever knowing. Because she fit so well there. Because she belonged there. I'm afraid she didn't know that she was in that spot. That really, she was the most important thing. Maybe I wasn't for her? May I was? I suppose I'll never know.

But when did it happen? When did she slide into that spot and why didn't I ever notice. I am so sad I never noticed. It's too late now. Too much as been said, she's not answering my emails or calls.

I just wished she had known it, how much she meant.

just another friday

ellis makes me happy. julie wolf is amazing.

It was a nice evening.

I forgot all about being sick for about an hour.