todays looming question...

will all the work ever be done?

i decided today that i miss the days where i didn't have to take my work home with me. the days when i could clock out and not worry until i clocked back in. but alas, i find myself scribbling notes in class about work, creating program designs in my head while driving, and fighting with excel at all hours of the day and night - link damn cells, link.

i'm creating social change. i'm creating social change. i'm creating social change.
i'm building community. i'm building community. i'm building community.
repeat in head as work drives you crazy

sweet home chicago

I made it back from Austin - refreshed, alive, and exhausted. It was a great time. I thought that it was a doomed trip in the beginning but then something happened and things turned out to be great.

Austin is fantastic. Sixth Street provided bar after bar with live music. Although it was somewhat sad that not many more people were out and about. I am used to bars filling and dance floors being cramped. However for the most part it was only us in the bars. ONe of my favorite spots was the dueling piano bar and the other was the local gay bar. I think the fun of it was more about the people I was with than the place.

But I am not sure what happened or even how it happened but somehow I am refreshed and recharged. Maybe it was the setting. Maybe it was the people. Maybe it was education. Maybe it was night after night - drinking - dancing - bar hopping - and even quite a bit of flirting and girls flirting right back with me. Who knows what it was. But I am a much happier, healthier, and refreshed woman. Maybe it was because I fell for someone in Texas and even though its never gonna work it was fun while it lasted.

But it is nice to be home. It was nice to fly over the lights and city.

although I return to school tomarrow so maybe it will all change.

t odo

I'm taking off on my first ever, offical buisness trip...all expenses paid to Austin, Texas. Very exciting. I have been runnign to do lists through my head all week in preperation....

To Do Before Leaving:
laundry
pack
email prof and tell them why i am not in class
pay bills


To Do While Gone:
learn
socialize
mingle
meet people
relax
enjoy my time
enjoy the warm weather
forget all my worries and woes

To Do Upon Return:
come back to reality

But really, I am excited. I wont have to justify why i do what i do or how much work is actually involved or explain my frustrations. I love being around professionals in this field because they get it. And it seems not many people in my life get it right now.

And to top my day off..I was hit on at Jewell TWICE! Still got the moves I guess. Maybe I met the new love of my life? Highly doubt it but damn, makes a girl feel good.

I'm always so afraid to say anything. I've never been so silent. I'm afraid of looking like the fool.

sometime i wanna cry
but nothing at all comes out
i want to find a door
and get me out
and i wanna feel less than i do
but id like to care more about
what im putting myself through

---everything you get by melissa ferrick

The classroom walls are caving in around me lately. I just can get away form the school fast enough. This is a new experience. I've never felt this way. I'm not entirely sure what to think of it. But I don't know if I can really take on the rest of the semester...seriously...not sure at all.

random thoughts

• I love Melissa Ferrick.
• She's so damn nice. She drove her ass all the way to Chicago from Detroit without much sleep and played the Borders show exhausted...she looked like she was at the "I'm so exhausted I 'm not exhausted stage" and she signed albums and took pictures so happily. I mean I wanted to tell her to take a nap before the night show. I hope she did. She's so kind to us fans.
  
• I got to experience Melissa Ferrick playing live, right in front of me TWICE this past weekend. I'm not so sure life could get any better.
• Melissa Ferrick is my favorite.
• Bitch opened for Melissa and all I can say is that she rocks my world. When she and Animal broke up I thought it was the end. But then she appeared and I remembered why I like her so much. Can I tell you how excited I was to hear "Pussy Maifesto"? I love that song - live.
• I started my dose of the new HPV vaccine. Apparently not a whole lot of women are getting it. This surprises me but then again...I found out I have to get all my doses completed by my 26th Birthday. Or the insurance wont cover it. So thankfully I dragged my ass into the doctor at the right time because 6 months from today I turn 26.
• I have attempted to seek theropy. Because I know I need it. Fuck we all need it. But I have been waitlisted everywhere I fucking go. Seriously. I have been waitlisted on a waitlist. How the hell does that work? And each intake appointment they look and me and pretty much say it's a wonder I'm not more fucked up than I already am. So I suppose that assistence in that area is not really going to come. Because it's a bad sign when they put people on a waitlist to get on the wait list. And yes, I have tried other places.
  
• Work is work and while I still love it, it's causing me some frustrations. There just isn't enough time to get it all done.
• School is school and while I still love it, it's causing me frustartions, There just isn't enough time to get it all done.
  
• I really do enjoy most of my classes this semester.
  
• I love Smuckers Uncrustables. I really do. No homemade pb and j sandwich can compare. Seriously. It just can't.