wrapping up a semester

On tuesdy, I have my last final for the semester. I am excited to end the semester and leave it behind me. It marks a semester that was nothing but a constant change for myself. A new home. A new school, A new, real life adult career job (sometimes I miss not being so damn responsible). A new room mate. A new car. New car payments and gas. New relationship (which became a new singlehood). Yes, it's been an incredible few months.

I feel like I have done so much in a short sixteen weeks. Too much to mention here but it's been a good ride. The job is going better than I expected and each day I love going, working with my co-workers and the girls, and creating new programs. My apartment is wonderful and my room mate and myself seem to get along rather well. Besides a broken armrest, the car is doing well and I am glad I went with that focus instead of the bigger mini-suvs. Yes, I have a lot to be happy and proud about.

School - I wish I had focused more in my classes. I believe I'm coming out with really good grades but I feel like I didn't give my all, I feel like I fell into this deep loathing of school again. The truth is, I love to read and get into discussions and listen to other people. So
I am not so sure why or how this came to be. I have my ideas. I tried to become more active in the feminist club and other activities at school in hopes of meeting new people and branching out. It worked to a degree but I didn't give it the time or effort it deserved.

Part of me feels that this is ok because I can justify it by saying that I was neck deep in problems at work, under intense preassure to succeed at this new job, and that everyone is watching. I feel like I started to cave and was becoming to afraid of what may happen if I fail. I need to remember that I am good at what I do and just conintue to do it the best I can. Not everything is in my control.

Of course the other reason for my lack of focus was relationship issues. I normally don't let things such as this get in the way but it did and it wont be in the way come next semester. That's all I am going to say for that.

So I feel like I am in a good place again. I feel content with where my life is and excited about where it is going. I feel very lucky actually. I have a job I love, live in a city that I feel loved in, have supportive friends and family, and more than enough food in my fridge that I will not go hungrey.

and so as Christmas draws closer and someone asks me what I want, I really don't have an answer. Sure, I could use some thing for the apartment, but do I really need them? Do I really need anything? I don't. Not when I am in such a good place and so many others aren't. And ut's not that I don't give or like presents. I love love love to give and love buying for the kids in my family. And I love when someone I care deeply about gives me a gift from the heart. But there isn't one thing I really want or need. I'm just grateful to be in a good place, surrounded by good people.

Come Tuesday, I have three weeks off until the next break. I am excited to clean my room, visit with all my old buddies, see my new friends, explore Chicago, spend time with the family, and ocntinue working my fulltime job (but I wont have to come home and study). And to be honest, if I get to the family and friends tasks, I will be super content.